My emotional healing journey started with a crush not working out. Multiple times. The second time, it wasn’t me initiating, and so I thought it would work out. When it didn’t, it was a shock – unexpected, incomprehensible. I remember wanting to talk about it with everyone instead of feeling into what was there.

Around that time, I went on a trip with some friends from school who wanted to do mushrooms. I was like, okay, sure, I’ll try it. Generally, people don’t recommend you take mushrooms when you’re going through emotionally distressing stuff, but I was like, how bad can it be?

At some point during the trip, the thoughts and feelings around what had happened with the crush came in and I had no resistance to them. I couldn’t not be there with them and feel them, which was really, really distressing. It wasn’t enjoyable at all.

I have a journal entry from that time of distress, and I remember writing: Why am I not enough? I was so distraught, and searching for answers more than anything else. I was trying to understand why this didn’t work out for me, why this person didn’t like me or want to be with me.

That led me to Google. I was literally asking: Why does this girl not like me? Why did things not work out? And I came across attachment theory in a Reddit post, and that’s where it began. The description of anxious attachment sounded a lot like me, and avoidance sounded like her. Once I got wind of that, it was full steam head. I started making sense of not only what happened, but also of myself, how I came to be, and who I knew myself to be in that moment.

I did a lot of self learning. I read Attached and was feverishly watching this person on Youtube called the Personal Development School.

It was kind of like going to therapy. I would watch one of her videos, listen to her describe it, and then I would pause and journal and write about it. I did that for months on end, sometime watching these videos and reflecting all day. That’s where healing started to happen, once I had awareness of it and I was able to start feeling into things and being more attuned and loving towards myself.

Starting this journey was the first time I felt like I was actually being with myself, holding space for myself, and not just relying on other people to tell me what was up. I was going into myself and understanding. Journalling was such an intensive practice – it was a vehicle for being in conversation with myself. I would experience something really triggering and just relentlessly go into it.

After college, I went into finance. I was in a state of inquiry and working in that job was a mirror for me to continue pulling at all my stories – beliefs about fulfillment, money, success, purpose, all of that. In the mornings I would be questioning and unraveling, and then go to work in the thing I was trying to unravel. And rinse and repeat.

In the depths of that, I rediscovered purpose for my aliveness. I feel like that’s such a healing thing, to be in contact with purpose and start living from that place.

That’s when I left finance and started a Youtube channel, which was a childhood dream. I didn’t feel fully safe and secure leaving, but it was more like, I can’t not do this. Even though there was all this fear, there was also excitement and a sense of purpose that was too strong to not do it. Being able to live from that place of play, joy, and wonder again was so healing for me and my inner child.

It’s hard for me to say a particular thing was associated with healing. It was just me living, being in tune with myself, and listening.

In May 2023, I started to get more into spirituality. I was reading Pema Chodron and there was this question: What are you defending yourself from? I was sitting in the park and journalling about it. I was like, I’m defending myself from receiving my parent’s love. I’m not being the unconditionally loving being I am. Once I realized that, a lot of stuff was just gone.

At the time, I had a very strained relationship with my parents. I had said to my parents: I’m not going home unless you go to therapy. It felt like the thing I needed to do to protect my energy and what I was, to work with the creative work and the life I wanted to move towards. I was like, I’m willing to not see you again indefinitely because my own life and what I care about is more important. In the midst of setting that boundary, I was able to love myself deeply, realize what had led me to cut off my love for my parents, and then feel able to start giving to them and also receiving fully.

I did end up going home – I surprised my mom for Mother’s day, and since then, my relationship with my parents has gotten a lot deeper. It doesn’t feel like a friendship where I can talk about anything or share super vulnerably, but it’s a lot more what I would have wanted as a kid.

It’s hilarious. When you let people be and love them as they are, that’s what leads to their own healing and growth. It was such a beautiful lesson for me.

I wasn’t doing any particular healing work until I came across Aletheia and parts work earlier this year.

I let go of a dream of being a full time creative. I realized I had narrowed in on a specific thing rather than a way of being in the world, which is living a life of purpose.

Once I let go of that, coaching came into the picture. I was looking for the next thing to anchor myself with. I worked with a coach / zen teacher and it got me looking into transformational coaching because that’s what she was certified in.

The combination of spirituality and psychology in transformational coaching felt like an encapsulation of own journey. For me, the last few years was a lot of psychology and science. Then it plateaued – I was aware and could understand things, but no deeper healing occurred until I got into the spiritual side of things.

I didn't do their coaching program, but I did a course in holding space with them. I learned how to be in silence and presence with someone and create that container. From there, I took the Connections Course from Art of Accomplishment, which is a similar thing. It's pointing towards presence and attunement with someone.

I then came across Aletheia, which was also psychology and spirituality. I was like, this one’s it. I signed up for that before I had even begun to explore parts work or IPF. After I signed up, I read No Bad Parts and did a session with NowTheo.

Working with NowTheo was my first experience doing guided parts work with somebody. It was really powerful, and it totally shifted how I relate to myself and others.

I don't have words to fully describe Aletheia, but there was a before Aletheia and after Aletheia in terms of how I hold space for someone. Having Art of Accomplishment's VIEW framework and Aletheia Coaching is a foundation.

The biggest takeaway for me from this work is how many times I've been able to be with someone and witness these stories (even be triggered as well by the vulnerability), and to share that space. That's been the most impactful thing, beyond any of the actual stuff I've learned.